Tag Archives: tag you’re it

Didn’t see that coming …


Over the course of five years a flirtation pervaded that was almost palatable in the air whenever they ran across each other. They kept in touch online and every once in awhile reignited the flirtation. But both were busy with life and things that kept getting in the way. Months would go by without them seeing each other. One night she ran into him at a club and hugged him tight, really tight and well, it felt right. Then the next day he messaged her saying it was nice to run into her and she thought well, maybe it’s time I did something about this. So they messaged back and forth and she went out to see him again and they talked and it seemed nice. She thought he would message to see if she got home safe. Nothing. So she waited until the next morning hoping for a message, nothing. So then she took a chance and sent him a message.

“I really wanted to kiss you last night. It’s a really nice feeling to have a crush on someone.”

No reply. Strange. She waited until the following afternoon and sent a message saying she was hurt that he had not replied, which seemed reasonable to her in the circumstances. I mean she’d put herself out there right? His response, “that’s silly”. WTF? Urrrmmm okay. She didn’t know what to do with that so she wished him well, bid him adieu and said it was probably for the best because she probably would have just fallen in love with him anyway.

One is NOT the Loneliest Number and SAD doesn’t help either …

Trying to write this last week has just been brutal. I go into these funks and I just can’t seem to pull my finger out of my a** you know? But WordPress gave a daily prompt that harkened to me, at least on some level, so I thought I’d give it a whirl. I was hoping it would give me some impetus and get the creative juices flowing.

I don’t know about you but I feel lonely all the time. I can be in a room full of people, or talking to my co-worker, or sitting on the couch with my partner and still feel incredibly lonely. I think loneliness is not necessarily just an emotion for some but a state of being, a type of depression. The moments I don’t feel lonely are like moments of laughter, fast and fleeting. And then sometimes I just don’t feel anything at all. I just stumble through my day-to-day routine happy that I made it to work and back and capable of little else. Just living seems to exhaust me. I have literally been trying to write something, anything for the past five days. I’ve started a few paragraphs that have trailed off into nothing and then I’ve spent hours on the internet doing mind-numbingly time wasters like surfing Kijiji or Crackbook. I’ve reworked a bit of my NaNo Wrimo stuff here and there but I can’t for the life of me seem to pin down anything of substance.

It also makes me understand why people isolate. I know this sounds ridiculous on paper but in your gut it makes perfect sense, when you’re alone, you don’t feel so lonely. One is not the loneliest number, two is. There’s nothing worse than being part of a couple and feeling completely isolated or better yet, talking to this other person and receiving no answer. But worse still, living with a roommate or in a situation where you are dreading coming home. It also makes me understand why depressed people tend to live alone and prefer it. It might be healthier to be around other people and socialize and interact but being alone … it’s just easier. At least when you’re alone you feel okay about being miserable and not burdening someone else with it or dealing with someone improperly and making the situation worse because you’re depressed. Sometimes I really wish I could just sew my mouth shut for a couple of days.

Right now I feel more lonely in my “relationship” than when I’m by myself. It’s literally the same kind of loneliness you feel when you haven’t been part of a couple for a long time and you’re longing for that connection, that same kind of empty ache that occurs. The friggin’ weather doesn’t help either. (Come on, I am Canadian, we can barely speak a sentence without incorporating the weather into it somehow.) I always go into a funk this time of year and become really jealous of the bears who totally have the right idea, stuff your face, crawl in a cave and don’t come out until spring, yes please! Not to mention how great would it be to lose weight just by sleeping … ah heaven. Yes, that’s the escapist in me talking. Even more depressing, those Philips SAD lights are $200 … but I’m definitely getting one, maybe it will help. (By the way, I’ve done some extensive reading on these lights and apparently these are the best ones. They’re also light weight, portable and look nice 🙂

I’ve been having such a hard time lately. I can’t seem to write anything (well other than this type of shite) but anything of substance seems to elude me. So I decided to just suck it up and post this crap regardless and let the chips fall where they may. And now I’m going to force myself to work on my book …ughhh!!!