Clothes, they’re everything and nothing. Personally my favourite outfit is naked but since that’s not the social norm I’d say my style is varied and clothes are very important to me. I like fetish wear, club wear, I have business attire for work and business casual, I have sweat pants and fleece for comfy stuff around the house and of course, I have silly clothes because what’s life without laughter and sometimes I like to wear ridiculous things just to fuck people up. In all honesty I don’t very often wear things that make me feel sexy … I’m not a big fan of my body at the moment. There are a few select dresses that make me feel purty but … I’m not winning any beauty contests in the near future. Plus I’m no spring chicken. Which is funny ‘cause I still like to dress like a five-year-old sometimes too. I own a lot of Mary Jane style shoes and because of my tummy I often wear empire waist dresses so … and lately I’ve been sporting a barrette because I was an idiot and cut my bangs too far back and now I need to grow a piece out so … yeah, I’m pretty much rocking the five look these days. Today I look sort of grown-up because I have a nice blouse on but I did wear flowery rubber boots and a shiny raincoat to work. Yep you sly dog, as you have already deduced, it’s raining today. But I guess what would best show you is some pictures so … here you go (A small excerpt from Crackbook photos)
Oh man be thankful for something, I’m thankful for so many things! I love to give praise to others, compliments, acknowledgments of jobs well done. “Smiles, hugs, light, love & laughter,” is my signature line on my outgoing emails.
There is so much sad in the world and there’s so much focus on it that I think it’s really important to look for something to be happy about. I cry as often tears of joy as I do sadness. There’s something beautiful about being able to be so simply touched, so although it may be old news to some, I am thankful to the senior citizens of Japan involved in this and the sacrifice they are willing to make for the good of the whole. One of the most altruistic stories I’ve heard in a long time. I think it is sad that stories like this get obscured by the likes of Miley Cyrus twerking or whatever. I mean honestly where have our priorities gone?
I’m thankful for the beautiful man that brought this to my attention as well.
And I’m thankful for all those daily things that we take for granted, food, shelter, clothing, water to drink and air to breath. Thank you so very much.
Over the course of five years a flirtation pervaded that was almost palatable in the air whenever they ran across each other. They kept in touch online and every once in awhile reignited the flirtation. But both were busy with life and things that kept getting in the way. Months would go by without them seeing each other. One night she ran into him at a club and hugged him tight, really tight and well, it felt right. Then the next day he messaged her saying it was nice to run into her and she thought well, maybe it’s time I did something about this. So they messaged back and forth and she went out to see him again and they talked and it seemed nice. She thought he would message to see if she got home safe. Nothing. So she waited until the next morning hoping for a message, nothing. So then she took a chance and sent him a message.
“I really wanted to kiss you last night. It’s a really nice feeling to have a crush on someone.”
No reply. Strange. She waited until the following afternoon and sent a message saying she was hurt that he had not replied, which seemed reasonable to her in the circumstances. I mean she’d put herself out there right? His response, “that’s silly”. WTF? Urrrmmm okay. She didn’t know what to do with that so she wished him well, bid him adieu and said it was probably for the best because she probably would have just fallen in love with him anyway.
Oh jeebus but that is a long list at this time of life but I also exist in this almost zen like state comparatively speaking because I’ve made my peace with the past and I don’t tend to dwell on it, except in terms of acknowledging how it has helped shaped who I have become. I like who I am for the most part and I wouldn’t have gotten to this state if it weren’t for all those falters and fumbles along the way. I also know that a lot of those “regrets” are what have made me so fierce and awesome.
Sure, I would have been a psychiatrist or maybe a psychologist, maybe have written a few books, had a beautiful piece of land somewhere … been living part of the year in Europe but now that’s just relegated to long-lost fantasies and occasional daydreams.
There are certain hopes and dreams that still prevail. I will write that elusive best-seller novel (still trying to figure out what the hell that is but …). I hope to still meet the one true love of my life and live happily ever after or, a man with oodles of money and love so that I don’t have to work and just spend my days writing, reading and learning how to write better, while listening to intoxicating music that inspires me.
I think the thing I regret above all else is being limited by fear. Being afraid to ask people what they are thinking or feeling for fear of being rebuffed and by so doing, not learning more about myself and being able to improve things. My relationships suffer great hardships because I cloak myself in defensive mechanisms that I know full well do me no favours. I’ve never really done anything with my writing, often paralyzed by fear. They say that more people are scared of success than failure and I suspect I am one of those people. But above all else, I fear that my not following through has made me mediocre and that would definitely be my biggest regret of all.
Okay, after a few hours of thought on today’s topic I’ve decided I’m going to buck the trend here and forgo the whole ‘imagine someone else’s life’ because quite frankly I imagine most people’s lives to be utterly boring from an onlooker’s perspective. So you’re rich and drive a Maserati, I don’t care and I doubt there’s many people sitting around imagining your life. Ditto on the other end of the scale as well, the poor or disenfranchised and don’t even get me started on the total oblivion regarding the fringe members of our society drug addicts, mentally ill, elderly, infirm … we don’t even take care of them, we are taught to ignore so asking someone to imagine their lives is, well, quite frankly unimaginable and really stretching the boundaries of imagination beyond the scale for a daily ramble. So with all this reality going on what I like to daydream about is my imaginary life thank you very much.
I have a bed and breakfast in Kelowna, it’s half BDSM oriented, half hippy love shack.
I have my own goats, chickens and various other critters around the farm as well as vegetable garden so I have lots of organic on-site food that I prepare for the guests. Food is prepared as requested, with or without dietary restrictions but the only direct organic meat available would be the chickens. I provide goats milk, butter, cheese, eggs from my critters. The rest would have to be ordered in and the cost would be done on a case-by-case basis, if it was outside the set menu which would not include any four legged animals simply because I don’t eat them myself. We are vegan friendly but as with the entire theme of this land, no judgment and if you come here you are expected to be respectful of people’s choices regardless of whether they conflict with your own or not.
There is a main house, and two cabin areas. The main house is separated by a man-made pond complete with Koi fish (for display purposes only) and a pretty little walking bridge covered in flowers. There are lilies in the pond along with other pond vegetation. The driveway to the cabins and the main house are completely different driveways coming off different roads. This makes it easier for deliveries and repairs as well as less traffic in the guest areas. Tranquility is encouraged for the most part but a little ruckus here and there is not discouraged. This is an adult only facility. My friends sometimes come to visit with their kids but they know the skinny. This is not a PG setting.
The guests come to the main house for meals, they can either eat in or take-away but we do not deliver to the cabins during the summer months. There is a huge staff compliment during the high season and a lot of the staff live on the land during this time. If the guests are here off season, different arrangements can be made. There are also rooms available in the main house for people to stay in. The house is huge and divided into my residence and the B&B proper. My residence has several rooms in it that I sublet to staff members during the summer months. I love being surrounded by people even though we are in a remote area. And hey, if they suck, I fire them. Good deal.
During the peak months there is a communal evening bonfire that would encourage the hippies and the BDSMers to interact and who knows, maybe cross over to the other side. The idea is to create a safe, loving space free of judgment and restriction for people to flow freely with each other and learn more about each other’s lives and living in a non-judging, unrestricted environment.
There are a few festivals during the high season too where I would allow people to camp on the grounds as well and bring in d.j.’s, bands, theme camps, etc … well you know how a festival goes I’m sure. Again, I’d integrate it so there’d be yoga, morning chants, holistic tents, seminars on BDSM, dungeon play areas … etc. Sharing and caring, as long as you’re happy and as long as nobody’s being hurt (without consent) is Groove Manor’s motto.
There is also a third area of cabins a little offset from the main property and hippy/BDSM cabins. These are more remote and available strictly for renting, self-contained and the people staying there would provide their own linens, cook their own food, etc. This encourages more long-term guests, maybe even semi-permanent residents on the land, which is massive of course.
All of the cabins have some kind of heating so that winter visits could also be encouraged. Fireplaces in the main cabins and the remote cabins would have both a wood burning stove/fireplace and electric heating available.
And since I’m dreaming, there’s also a man-made lake on the property that is somehow fed by a stream from a nearby water source so it is safe for both swimming and bathing. I could go on and on but I think you get the idea.