Category Archives: So you want to Write, You and Your Blog

Day to day angst in the life of a (not so) newbie blogger.

Interesting


Interest

Interesting is one of those loaded words, like if someone says to me “oh your haircut’s interesting”, that’s a huge red flag for me. If someone says oh that person’s very interesting, that’s either ‘hey, they’re fascinating and great to talk to’ or ‘they’re a bit off and should be steered well clear of’. So to me interesting is very interesting word.

I wish I found myself more interesting and was a little more self-absorbed, I think it would make me a lot more of a passionate and dedicated writer. When I was young I was so full or righteous indignation, it was, for a large part I’m sure, misplaced but it gave me such fuel. I was able to just sit down and bang of pages at a time about any number of topics.

Also, I have been majorly affected by social media and how censored it has become. All these SJWs out on their supposed moral high ground allegedly fighting for protection and rights willing to shred someone to pieces at a moment’s notice with no regard of the far reaching impact this might have. At least here if I rage on about a topic or someone, it’s not at their personal expense because, unless I name them specifically, no one knows who I’m talking about. Plus, hardly anyone reads my blog so although it’s “public” I feel I can post my personal opinions here without necessarily getting a strip torn off of me.

So I think what has happened is that because Facebook and other social media platforms have almost compelled me to stifle most of my heartfelt opinions for fear of reprisal this has trickled over into my personal love for writing. I feel like I have nothing to say anymore but I suspect it’s more like I’m censoring my emotions and my feelings internally as well and that can’t be good.

Which brings me to all the violence in this world that seems to be escalating at an alarming rate in our immediate vicinity (i.e. Canada and the U.S.) and when I look at this and I look at how much our society is repressing us on so many levels in terms of self-expression and being able to let loose and just have at ‘er, I’m really not surprised. I say bring back good ol’ fist fights and insults and let kids sort it out among themselves and grow and mature properly instead of being stifled and controlled so much that they grow up into teenagers and young adults thinking nothing about wielding guns and shooting people over parking spaces. We are not “protecting” our children by teaching all this “tolerance” and “acceptance” carte blanche – people should have to earn respect and acceptance not just be granted it piece meal. And also, compelling people to be accepting of everything and everyone is going to have the opposite affect. Let children form their own opinions, let them learn to discern what’s right and wrong. Teach them that there is a reward system in the world. Fuck this everybody gets a badge for participating shit. Teach kids that there are winners and losers and hard work is rewarded.

Ahhh and there’s some of the old groove back, how interesting! Think I need to do more daily prompts!

This Article was Refused Publication in my Co-op’s Weekly News Letter Allegedly for Human Rights Violations – Where are my Rights in all This?


HOARDING IN OUR CO-OP

I would like to address the topic of hoarding in this co-op and bring it into an open forum in order that we might put some policies in place regarding same to protect the health and well being of everyone in this co-op and not be at the mercy of the hoarders.

Obviously I am writing this because it is at present affecting me personally, and I would like to stipulate to the fact that when addressing this issue I have tried my best to do it through the proper channels.

1. First I tried on countless occasions (over many years in fact) to offer my assistance.

2. I wrote to the office who subsequently took the issue to the Board. I have been told that “it is being addressed” but unfortunately, if said “hoarder” is uncooperative and refuses help, we as a co-op at this juncture have little or no recourse. There is no system in place to monitor or ensure that hoarders are being looked after or getting the help that they need AND if they refuse help, currently we have no avenue of recourse.

3. I called the various authorities and asked that they come and investigate, again, they can do little else except ask that things be brought up to code and/or rectified in this situation. If there person does not comply the situation is moot.

http://toronto.ctvnews.ca/landlord-groups-call-for-guidance-on-dealing-with-hoarders
Landlord groups call for guidance on dealing with hoarders …
toronto.ctvnews.ca
Two groups representing more than 2,500 landlords in Ontario say they’d like to do more to deal with tenants who have hoarding problems, but want guidance from fire …
This article is from 2011. It states (among other things):

“The landlord-tenant laws in the province make it hard for property owners to inspect a suite or evict problem renters, he added.

“What our system fails to do is recognize the rights and concerns of all the other tenants around,”

So basically, as it stands, we are at the mercy of the hoarders.

However, we as a co-op we have the opportunity to change this by implementing a by-law that stipulates to:

(a) defining a hoarder; and

(b) compelling them to get assistance or face eviction.

I do not know why this has not been implemented as of yet, as we have had two fires that I know of due to these situations and at present, we are at risk by hoarders living among us.

My suggestion is that during annual inspections, those people doing said inspections should submit to the board those units that they consider hoarding situations and they should then be assessed on a case by case basis and measures implemented to assist said person in dealing with said situation. Perhaps we develop an ad-hoc committee for same.

The criteria can be assessed as to fire risks, state of apartment (is the person living in filth, are there bugs or other health risks), etc. Are they placing those around them at risk?

In the meantime, where is the protection for those of us living around said hoarders?

Obviously, my motives are somewhat selfish at this point as I am currently in a state of stress as I know of at least two in my immediate vicinity of varying degrees that have been allowed to exist in said state for many, many years with little or no interference from the co-op or the city due to their limited capabilities as defined by the Human Rights Code.

Yesterday, for the first time since I have lived in this co-op I saw a cockroach in my kitchen. To what extent am I to be held hostage by this situation before something is done to protect me and my fellow neighbours?

In the meantime, I have been recommended by 311 to call on a regular basis and continually file complaints, I suggest if you have concerns regarding your living situation you do the same.

The areas of note are:

Toronto Board of Health – 416.338.7600
Fire Services – 416.338.9050
Animal Enforcement Services and Mobile Response – 416-338-PAWS (7297)

Here are some suggestions to implement a standard for our co-op, to protect our members based on the Landlord and Tenant act if we need a model to go by.

Filthy Apartment: What is a Landlord to do? – Google
ontariolandlordandtenantlaw.blogspot.ca
What is a clean and acceptable apartment to one person may be viewed as an utter disaster to another person. To a certain degree, how a person to chooses to live …

Retribution!!!


<a href="http://Thorny“>Thorny

Saw this title and it pricked a nerve for sure for me. I have not been writing for ages – and, in fact, in almost every blog of late, I have rambled on about how I have not been writing – how tedious! I have not had inspiration because there has been little angst in my life and oh so little excitement – to put it bluntly, I’m bored! And I mean hella bored. I’m also getting older and lacking inspiration. What I really need is to fall in love again. I really miss being in love, or being excited over someone. I miss passion in all its many forms. And that is why I have no impetus to write, there’s no passion.

I know it sounds stupid but I don’t want to look for someone either. I want to be walking down the street, or be at the gym, or be at the grocery store and bump into this person and just “bam!” have it happen. Is that really so incomprehensible?

When I think of  the word ‘thorny’ I naturally think of roses, and roses are equated with love and so it brings me back round to – I miss being in love. Someone told me the other day that I have lost my luster and I think that was spot on – no joie de vivre.  I can’t remember the last time I missed or yearned or longed for someone …

On another thorny note, I have a co-worker that I absolutely loathe because she has no life and is constantly trying to micromanage mine. So now I’ve found ways to fight back – ha! Unfortunately I have had to adopt some much abhorred passive-aggressive behaviour to combat this but oh well, better than sitting here stewing in my own juices.

So by way of background, let me give you the whole story on this situation. I have been at my job now for two years and four months. Two of this was sheer and utter hell, I had a verbally abusive boss and co-worker, they micro-managed me, berated me and were just negative nellies ALL THE TIME! For me, I realize that I am spending the vast majority of my days in this hell hole so why not try and make it as pleasant as possible? These women obviously subscribe to another school of thought. Then to top it off, we had this lunatic come to work here that not only was insufferable to work with but sat behind me, complained about everything and made my life hell. I went to HR about it even (after I caught her looking at my email FFS! Total invasion of privacy, it was before her three month probation was up and the should have fired her on the spot) they told me to suck it up. Un-friggin-believable!

But I did because I had recently been unemployed for nearly two years and was petrified that I’d be in the same boat again – let’s face it, I’m no spring chicken here either, the job market in my field blows and I did not want to end up in a Mcjob “do you want fries with that” situation. So I persevered, oh and drank a shit load! On Fridays I could not wait to get off work and start chugging my way into oblivion – this also might have to do with the dull as dishwater situation that I’m in now with my life as well, but I digress.

Anyway, back to the matter at hand – so thrill of thrills, in the spring of this year my boss from hell retired! I honestly didn’t realize how utterly atrocious my work setting was until she left. Then I was just stuck with the co-worker, but it wasn’t so bad because with just the two of us, she now had to rely on me more and things were humming along – albeit at break neck speed because for six months we were down three people, including a boss.

It was tough at times, but we managed and both knew it wouldn’t be that way forever. Out of sheer necessity, she got “promoted” – a big fucking joke if you ask me, she is the most ill-equipped person on the planet to oversee others. Not to mention, her tone of voice when speaking to others is just abominable most times. (By way of background this person has NO social life whatsoever and, from what I can tell, friends that are few and far between. It’s sad really, most weekends she goes to the movies by herself, or hangs out with her parents – she is past 50 years old, never been married and has two cats.)

Nothing bad about the cats by the way, I have a cat, I’m actually glad she has a cat, it’s nice to know she has some company. I feel sorry for her in that regard. But as far as her treatment of me at work goes – holy fuck dude, get a life and stop friggin’ micromanaging me – oh and just of note, it’s only me. Other co-workers have said stuff to me and our senior boss about it too. Still it’s gone on for quite some time.

But now – HALLELUJAH! – we have a new boss whom I love in comparison to the old one. She’s sweet, she’s relaxed and now miss micromanage is in the minority and, if she’s not careful, on her way out as well. Ain’t nobody got time for that.

AAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanyway – to give you an example, as I was writing this – (it’s been really slow for the last few days, and I’ve been thinking rather than spending hours on Crackbook, I’d try and do something at least somewhat creative, so I started writing this), miss fucking nosey parker saw I was writing and messages me asking me to do a “rush job” – even though there are 4 other operators sitting out there with nothing to do (we are a national firm, so have operators in other offices). I ALREADY have a job I’m working on – it’s not due until one so I wanted to sit on it for a bit and do this at the same time, but she sees me not working and gets her fucking panties in a bunch. Sooooooooo she asks me if I can do the rush job, I say “yeah sure” – pick it up, put it in partial and complete my other job instead. By the time I’m finished, someone else has picked up the rush job so “HA!” I can’t tell you how good that made me feel. I know it’s petty but this whole situation is petty. Fighting fire with fire, okay, I’m bad but damn, it felt so good!

Another Saturday Night …


And I ain’t got nobody, I got some money ’cause I just got paid, oh how I wish I had someone to talk to, I’m in an awful way. Apparently I have over 800 friends according to Facebook but come the weekend I find myself puttering around by myself. I do not get phone calls to be invited out, I do not have friends popping by to visit (which I just love and have encouraged my whole life). In fact, people seem to have no issue whatsoever discarding me like used Kleenex whenever it suits their needs. If this sounds like I’m feeling sorry for myself, I am. I’m tired of being lonely, I’m tired of reaching out to people and them just slapping me away like a bothersome fly when it suits them. I am REALLY tired of chasing after people. I feel like I’ve spent my whole life trying to get people to like me and it hasn’t worked at all. So I’ve stopped trying, I’ve stopped chasing and now I’m alone in my own right, but still, sometimes I get lonely.

Complacency is Underrated


kitten and puppy in flowers

I haven’t written for quite some time because, well to be honest, I haven’t really felt like it. There’s been no great flux in my life, no travesty or amazing adventure, I’ve just been humming along. Now that this has come to abrupt halt, unfortunately not in the amazing adventure way, I’m realizing that while my creativity may have been lagging and I may not have been skipping down the road, complacency is highly underrated. Oh sure you’re not jumping for joy but you’re not contemplating slitting your wrists either. The big dilemma for the day is did the dogs poop, what should you eat and which programs are you going to watch? Now I get why I put everything away in a box for so long and, well, basically put off feeling because as it currently comes crashing down on my head I realize I didn’t miss this part  – at all – and let’s face it, the lows far outweigh the highs.

I’ve never been diagnosed but I am pretty sure I’m manic or bipolar or one of those uppy downy ones because my roller coasters used to be epic. So I gave up the highs to forgo the lows – at least I thought I did. But I think it was pretty much the equivalent to taking medication, I mostly felt nothing. I now seem to be clearing the haze and with that comes a lot of pain and loneliness and cheese and crackers this is so overrated!

I have settled for the last eight years of my life, not in a bad way, just in an “I ain’t that happy either” way. It’s left me … well pretty listless and very fat, two things I am not exactly over the moon about as you can imagine. It’s also taken away from my desires, my most heartfelt desires!

Lately I’ve been feeling really blue and  lethargic I chalk it up to the time of year, a rotten cold, girl stuff but I also realized I had not been taking my vitamins, specifically my 5 HTP – this seems to have made a HUGE difference in my life and I wanted to mention it to others who go through deep depression (and aren’t on meds – you would have to speak to your doctor if you are, as it may be contraindicated and the verdicts still out on mixing scripts with holistic stuff, no conclusive studies, blah, blah). It helps increase your serotonin. From Web MD “Since 5-HTP increases the synthesis of serotonin, it is used for several diseases where serotonin is believed to play an important role including depression, insomnia, obesity, and many other conditions.” I’m not advocating it, just saying that I experimented with a lot of holistic stuff (valarian root, melatonin, St. John’s Wort) and this seems to be the one for me. I take it during the day, usually at lunch time and it seems to keep me balanced. I’m hoping maybe my highs and lows will come  back in a less monumental form and soon I’ll be posting pictures of flowers and puppies and kittens in earnest!