This daily prompt said “when everything was going wrong and suddenly you knew it would be alright”, the person who wrote this has obviously never had their whole world fall apart because even if you do have a moment of clarity or certain epiphanies along the way, nothing about tragedy is “suddenly” fixed. It usually takes days of depression and buckets of tears, heartache of any kind from any number of things is painful.
For me the most painful loss is of a partner and ironically I’m in the process of losing one at the moment so this pain is very pungent and clear to me at the present time. In fact, the only reason I’m writing this right now and not blubbering away is because I’m at work so I have to pretend to have it together as that massive pain in the middle of my chest, that I haven’t felt for so long I almost believed it wouldn’t happen again, seems to rip open a hole even bigger than the last time. This too I thought impossible, wrong again.
As to it “suddenly” being alright, see above. No, even if this does somehow work itself out (which it always does, one way or the other, even if the initial result is not what you were hoping for), there is definitely no suddenly about it. When I read that prompt it actually made me angry, it’s like everyone’s delusion with romantic love and this idea of “falling deeply in love”. That’s not how love should be, love should be something comfortable and almost natural feeling. It shouldn’t be all head over heels and crazy, it shouldn’t be something that you have to struggle to make work or right. Sure, in every relationship there are pitfalls and hardship as well as moments of exultation and adoration but the good ones have a certain kind of gentle ebb and flow that make them last throughout the years with (at least it seems to me as I have yet to have had such a thing) little turmoil or heated disagreement.
Right, time to go home, now I can retreat and quietly fall apart for awhile.
Clothes, they’re everything and nothing. Personally my favourite outfit is naked but since that’s not the social norm I’d say my style is varied and clothes are very important to me. I like fetish wear, club wear, I have business attire for work and business casual, I have sweat pants and fleece for comfy stuff around the house and of course, I have silly clothes because what’s life without laughter and sometimes I like to wear ridiculous things just to fuck people up. In all honesty I don’t very often wear things that make me feel sexy … I’m not a big fan of my body at the moment. There are a few select dresses that make me feel purty but … I’m not winning any beauty contests in the near future. Plus I’m no spring chicken. Which is funny ‘cause I still like to dress like a five-year-old sometimes too. I own a lot of Mary Jane style shoes and because of my tummy I often wear empire waist dresses so … and lately I’ve been sporting a barrette because I was an idiot and cut my bangs too far back and now I need to grow a piece out so … yeah, I’m pretty much rocking the five look these days. Today I look sort of grown-up because I have a nice blouse on but I did wear flowery rubber boots and a shiny raincoat to work. Yep you sly dog, as you have already deduced, it’s raining today. But I guess what would best show you is some pictures so … here you go (A small excerpt from Crackbook photos)
De beeblebop of de dooflickies of de future full of WTFs and LOLs with tons of peeps knowing what de abbrevs are all about acoustically but unable to spell dem properly. Spelling will change drastically and de decasyllabic words will join de dinosaurs in de annals of etymology. All consonants will be gone and either replaced with a hard letter (like as in de) or some new-found combination of the two much like you find in many of the Nordic countries today. So kn might be a k with a line through it …
English will become infused with words from other languages, especially Chinese Mandarin and Indian terminology (much like French and Latin phrases that we have cultivated are already thought of as English by most nowadays) and it will no longer be called English but World Language and it will be used throughout the world as the first spoken language of all people (for the most part). People will maintain their indigenous languages but this will be relegated to the elite and educated and very few people will speak more than one or two languages. A staggering proportion of the world population will only speak one.
This will have a horrific impact on things like the Opera and other mediums where language is huge aspect of the medium because there will be so few performers available who can do it the native tongue that it will become virtually unheard of. A bit of a digression here, but the whole demise of the creative arts as a result is another topic, but I felt it was closely related and bore mentioning …
Of course there are ever new and more prolific ways of swearing and isms for the day, much like we’re referring to ‘twerking’ at the moment (I like that that word sounds exactly like what it is, someone moving around like a fucking jerk!) Swearing will no longer be considered profanity but used more as adjectives and adverbs and due to this acceptability swearing has been replaced with this new sub-culture of profanities in different languages as well as dialects that some people are not aware of, resulting in a lot of people looking bewildered and confused when some youth is attempting to flip them off in a manner of speaking. The mutation of the language will happen at such a rate that a few years age difference will result in an inability to communicate for the most part because older people will become ‘stuck’ with their phraseologies and terms of the day and not, for the most part, move with the times. This will create an almost caste-like system in terms of language and everything will be based around appealing to ‘that’ demographic in terms of obtaining their money so advertising, restaurants and so forth will all be defined by their language usage as opposed to their product per se. Advertisers will be scrambling trying to appeal to the masses. Luckily this will also make most form of advertising, billboards, commercials, etc. ineffective from a cost perspective so they will have to find some other medium to ‘win over the crowd’, but that’s not my place to speculate.
A rather poignant and timely topic for me. Habits keep us chained or unleash us depending on their effect on our day-to-day living. I have as many good as I do bad and I’m always trying to improve on both. My worst habit I think is no follow-through, that and my ability to disconnect from what is actually going on. My brain operates very differently to most I suspect. I have this propensity to envision things in my own varied hue rather than see them in the stark reality of daylight. This has caused a lot of stress and strife in my life. You know the saying “rose coloured glasses”, well mine are more like Groove coloured glasses, my own unique and often fatally flawed perception. It’s hard to sit up and take note of this knowing that it’s something hard-wired. There is no twelve-step program for people who live in a state of delusion on some planes while being a “functioning” member of society. Hi my names Groove and … yeah, no. If I were completely broken I’d be in a padded room but like most, I skate by, coasting in neutral while dreaming of soaring.
So many of us are crippled by fear, all this time I thought I was fearless and now I’m just starting to understand that I am imprisoned by fear. Self-realization is a harsh mistress. It lays you bare and leaves you exposed, vulnerable and encompasses everything that you have been running from in the first place. You must lay yourself open to criticism, failure, ugliness and a myriad of other debilitating factors that will likely leave you writhing on the floor. But there is hope. Hope in good habits, in reworking your flaws and spinning them into attributes, making yourself better little by little so that, at the very least you feel you are building a foundation of stability, a semblance of order and this helps dispel the feelings of futility and exile that leave so many feeling isolated and misunderstood. So every day I must force myself to get up, look in the mirror and declare that “I love you, warts and all” because the cliché is oh so true, if you don’t love yourself how the fuck should anyone else?
I am a creature of habit, its sometimes disarming but I’m okay with that.
So weird, went to look at someone else’s post about today’s prompt and they pretty much wrote word for word what I was thinking, namely I think I’m pretty funny and damn, sarcasm is my middle name but I am totally stumped as to how to portray a parody in the proper light so lessee … while I try and figure this out, I have provided this for your viewing pleasure.
I totally think that religion should be brought back to the schools, especially the Catholic prayer. I mean look at the state of society today it’s all gone to h-e double hockey sticks in a basket and I sincerely believe this is down to the lack of discipline by Church and state. Kids should really be compelled to go to Sunday school and Catholic Church and, sure, there are other religions too that are okay but seriously, Catholicism is totally the best one. I mean come on what with the whole absolution thing you can totally keep repeating your mistakes and still get into heaven as long as you don’t break one of the ten commandments of course. Although I’m not sure how that goes if you sleep with your neighbour’s wife with permission …
Anyway, I think society is in a state of derision because people are not taking this stuff seriously and especially as far as respect for religion goes. I don’t get why people are so lax about God these days and why they don’t embrace Him and love and honour Him with all their heart and soul. Religion has made the world a better place and it’s systematic removal is going to be our demise.
Anyway, I’m off to prayer group, may God be with you.