Category Archives: DP Challenge

WordPress Challenge for weekly blogging.

Qualm – the Opposite of Calm, Who Knew?! OH Kwam, I See.

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via Daily Prompt: Qualm

Yeah, I had to look it up first as defined by Oxford:

“An uneasy feeling of doubt, worry, or fear, especially about one’s own conduct; a misgiving.

‘military regimes generally have no qualms about controlling the press’ “
And then I was all like “oh kwams – I probably knew how to spell that at some point and completely forgot, lol. So I had no qualms about continuing to write about it as I now knew what the word was. English is a really weird language. I feel sorry for anyone trying to learn it, although have you seen Japanese?! Picture letters, although I guess with so few people actually ‘writing’ these days, everything’s a lot easier with keyboards, voice intuitive programs, translation programs, etc. I mean realistically you could have an entire conversation with someone whose language you don’t speak through these mechanisms and still communicate fairly well. Although, I don’t know if you’ve used Google translate or whatever, but some of the faux pas can be quite hysterical and totally inappropriate, so I’d have qualms about just leaving it up to a program without any comprehension of what it was actually saying. You can never fully decipher context properly, and a lot of times I’ve been frustrated because I can’t remember the colloquial phrase and it just gives me a stupid literal translation which, thanks program I could have used a dictionary if I wanted that, does not always serve you well.
I have qualms about being honest on social media lately, someone righteously pointed out to me that Facebook (Crackbook) is not a place for opinions and they were so right and I never even thought about it before then and when I did, I realized that it all boiled down to my being lazy, using a social media platform when in fact, I should stop looking at memes and cute dogs and kittens so much and actual get on a site that might educate and inform me a bit and get back to reading stuff that, you know, took more than 30 seconds. Oh my gawd, how my attention span has dwindled! I found this when I wrote an entry here the other day. I was all, hey that was a pretty good entry and I looked back and it was like three paragraphs, it kind of made me sad.
So now I’m trying to change some recently developed habits, which shouldn’t be too hard as they are ‘recent’. I’ve started going back to the gym again, that’s something, now if only I could start reading again more extensively. I reluctantly have to admit that I will have to limit myself from Crackbook from now on. I swear it is stunting my mental capacity and it certainly is lessening my attention span. So that’s my small blather for today. Be well, and be nice to yourself and don’t have any qualms about changing for the good because most of the time, change is good!

She Sees the World Through Rose Coloured Glasses …

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Sad but True

I don’t know if it’s really the saddest or harshest criticism anymore because I am well aware of the fact that I talk too much, however at this point it’s something I’ve accepted in myself and I’ve realized that I hate when people don’t talk enough so … One of my biggest beefs in a lot of my relationship is that my partner wasn’t being forth coming with their feelings and then resenting me because I didn’t know how they were feeling. Really?! What are you a girl? Sorry but that is so the stereotypical girl statement of ‘you should know how I’m feeling’ what do I look like Kreskin?!

What I don’t like is that I don’t know how to listen properly. It is only in the last few years that I have started to realize how skewed my perspective is and how much I mould things round to the way I wanted them to sound versus what was actually said. It’s an extreme form of lying to oneself that I’m really not sure how to combat. I mean if you think you heard x, y, z how can you go back and hear it properly? It’s something I’ve been wrestling with for the last few months because I’m trying to decipher where my lies end and the other person’s begins OR am I totally misconstruing nearly everything I hear and switching it in my head to suit my views? I have honestly thought about installing a close-circuit camera and monitoring our conversations so I can see just how bad my misperception of situations are (also, maybe so the other party in the situation can see that sometimes they make these same mistakes too, but that is a whole different conversation and we’re not here to talk about them), this is the Danielle show.

Kind of funny too because I’ve had the flu for the past few days and today I woke up with laryngitis. Man the irony in my life is just endless.

rose coloured glasses

Yay you!

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Kudos!

So the prompt said, “Your entire community — however you define that; your hometown, your neighborhood, your family, your colleagues — is guaranteed to read your blog tomorrow. Write the post you’d like them all to see.”

Umm yeah, about that, first of all if I wrote thinking about what everybody else wanted to see, hear, read, I’d never write a damn thing in the first place and second of all, nothing in life is guaranteed this we all know. People read stuff because they want to, something draws them, they find it interesting not because they’re your friend. (At least I hope you’re not reading this just because you’re my friend and that you’re at least getting some kind of enjoyment out of my meanderings here and there.) Gawd, could you imagine having to read stuff just because you liked someone? Wow, would we ever have to read a lot of shit every day to keep everyone happy. And about that, art is not necessarily there to make you happy, sometimes people create things that are controversial for the sake of that. They say the worst thing you can do is make something that compels complacency. I always appreciated art that made me angry or upset me even if I proclaimed I didn’t like it, I did get that in its raw way it evoked such a passionate response that I could not deny the intensity of the piece regardless of how much I hated it. Hate is a strong emotion, meh is not.

a huge thank you

I have however found that writing in this blog and it not just for myself has been tremendously rewarding in terms of people actually reading what I’m writing. Honestly guys I’m blushing and overwhelmed and so very thankful for all my friends old and new that have told me that they are reading and OMFG, enjoying my blog *swoons over keyboard a little and has to fan herself. I am soooo honoured you have no idea! So I guess what I’d want you to read most of all is a huge fucking thank you for all your support, comments and appreciation. I cannot even begin to relay in mere words what it has done for me. Oh fuck look what I did there, I done went and wrote a blog where I blew smoke up your proverbial butts anyway, you’re welcome!

Tripping

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So What

It is a deep cavern filled with rage,
A blank canvas of cacophony that sets the teeth ajar
This wide open space is claustrophobic
and being fenced in leaves me barren and forlorn walking this wasteland of despair.

Sometimes the sunshine forces its way through and causes my eyes to tear
I just wanted to understand, make it work
I tried to control and found I could not
People are not machinery they are as consistent as the weather forecast
I understand why people choose solitude but I just can’t.

Life, love, laughter even when feeling so desolate are all I live for.
Yeah, it feels rotten right now but this too shall pass
Heartache is just the fizzle end of a new beginning

Suddenly

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No, I don’t think so.

tears

This daily prompt said “when everything was going wrong and suddenly you knew it would be alright”, the person who wrote this has obviously never had their whole world fall apart because even if you do have a moment of clarity or certain epiphanies along the way, nothing about tragedy is “suddenly” fixed. It usually takes days of depression and buckets of tears, heartache of any kind from any number of things is painful.

For me the most painful loss is of a partner and ironically I’m in the process of losing one at the moment so this pain is very pungent and clear to me at the present time. In fact, the only reason I’m writing this right now and not blubbering away is because I’m at work so I have to pretend to have it together as that massive pain in the middle of my chest, that I haven’t felt for so long I almost believed it wouldn’t happen again, seems to rip open a hole even bigger than the last time. This too I thought impossible, wrong again.

lonely

As to it “suddenly” being alright, see above. No, even if this does somehow work itself out (which it always does, one way or the other, even if the initial result is not what you were hoping for), there is definitely no suddenly about it. When I read that prompt it actually made me angry, it’s like everyone’s delusion with romantic love and this idea of “falling deeply in love”. That’s not how love should be, love should be something comfortable and almost natural feeling. It shouldn’t be all head over heels and crazy, it shouldn’t be something that you have to struggle to make work or right. Sure, in every relationship there are pitfalls and hardship as well as moments of exultation and adoration but the good ones have a certain kind of gentle ebb and flow that make them last throughout the years with (at least it seems to me as I have yet to have had such a thing) little turmoil or heated disagreement.

Right, time to go home, now I can retreat and quietly fall apart for awhile.