Holy big improvement batman on the WP platform. So I had to howl the other day when I was telling someone (who has known me for a really long time) that my grand passion has always been to be a writer and he was all, “you should start a blog” – oh you mean like the one I’ve had for the last 10 years that nobody reads, including you, even though I post urls to it when I write on my Facebook … le sigh.

In such a bad place right now. After waiting since June regarding a job, thinking I must get some role, they turned me down on Monday. I’m so bummed and there seems to be nothing out there for me these days. I’m not sure what to do. All I want to do is find a job that doesn’t drive me insane and ride it out for the next few years. I don’t need much for retirement. I’ve got all I need in my house really. I don’t have any overhead … I wish I could just retire now to be honest and just do little jobs here and there but that’s not feasible.

My EI is good until April – so I have to sort something between now and then. However, despite it being close, I’m not in any great rush. I have a bit of backup just in case so that’s helpful but … I really wish I had the impetus to write like I used to but it seems I have no desire or direction to do so anymore. I mean I write in my journal but that’s not “writing” per se, that’s just a way of unloading. Speaking of unloading, honestly I could use a good cry right now.

I’ve decided that I’m not drinking at all while I’m this bummed out so that will be for quite a few days I suspect. I just loathe the idea of having to waste hours and hours combing adds to apply for jobs that I don’t fucking really want in the first place just so I can pay some bills. (Goes and applies for yet another unlikely job … and fuck those “cover letters” especially. I am not wasting my fucking time with those this time round fuck that shit.)