I hardly ever write here anymore, sad really but no one reads it anyway – but just in case I started to relegate my writing to an online journal so I could write about all my mundane, petty shit and not bore the snot out of anyone. Also not have to worry about offending all those fucking shrinking violets out there that are ranting and raving about the most unimportant and unnecessary stuff I have ever heard in my life. I’m not going to tout my opinion about it, I’m just going to quietly sit back and try not to be sad as I watch them dig their own graves for themselves.
So yeah, it’s 2020, a new year, a new decade and interestingly for me, only a few more decades to go. I have come to terms with the fact that I am winding down this mortal coil and I’m not sorry or sad about it. I’m fucking thrilled that I have been allowed to live the life I have lived.
I was going to say I’ve never really suffered, but that’s not entirely true, I’ve had adversity that some people have not had to deal with, sexual abuse, losing several loved ones, getting schmucked by a car … which still years later is leaving me contending with painful dental work and the possibility of missing front teeth – uggghhhh! I am currently in the process of getting work done in the hopes of getting and implant/bridge combo. It’s painful, extremely expensive and a little bit scary.
Went for my first colonoscopy – not nearly as traumatic as I thought it would be (except the nurse who was so fucking distracted that she didn’t even seat my i.v. properly, my hand was bruised for weeks and I woke up during the procedure) – interesting actually, big huge screen that they look at while they parade through your colon. I guess all was well because the doctor didn’t even come see me afterwards, although a little disconcerting because he said he would. In any event that humiliation is done and dusted for a while.
Had a lovely holiday with my family, feel pretty blessed to have family nearby that I can spend time with over the holidays and my brother and his wife are just awesome which makes it even better. The kids are fun too but holy smokes I forgot how loud kids are! And they like to scream a lot. And the little one cries when she gets frustrated, which I totally get. I used to do that a lot too, right up into my forties actually.
Another thing that has been great about getting older is menopause. Oh sure I don’t have much of a sex drive comparatively speaking but dude, I am sooooooooooooooo much calmer now. I like this version of me much better. I will thoroughly enjoy the next 20 odd years of my life (you know until I croak or get some looney tunes disease. I’m hoping for physical deterioration over mental.
My Mom’s 81 now, she’s had a helluva a year – “worst year of my life” as she said and understandable too. Two major operations, (one to repair a heart valve condition that apparently she’s had all her life but went undetected and one for a lumpectomy) so two general anesthetics and a round of chemo. They wanted her to go under the knife again for a further lumpectomy and she said Danielle, I don’t want to do it, three anesthetics in one year! And I said Mom, you do what you like, I totally support that! I had a general in my twenties and it took me two years to fully recover so yeah, fuck that shit Mom and you be you! I still admire the hell out of her though, still bike riding, participating in her choir (and this is no, sing on Sundays shit, this is some brutal three and four hour practices and before a performance two or three nights a week) and still cross-country skiing. She’s so cute, “but Danielle, I get so tired now” – Mom you’re still managing to do all that stuff – that’s pretty epic to me. Also thank you for still being here!
To be honest I was a little worried – still am. But she seems to be doing okay. She lost way too much weight but it’s expected in the circumstances, but she doesn’t look emaciated – just a bit too skinny. Hopefully she put on a little bit over the holidays. Hubert got her some CBD drops and I was going to ask for them back because I thought she wasn’t using them, but Jason told me apparently she is which is awesome. I’m so glad that Canada has legalized that stuff for use especially for people with health issues! So ironic, I was chronic for years and now I can’t abide smoking at all. Wish I could say the same about cigarettes … Welp, duty calls. Happy New Year to anyone who actually reads this. Thinking I might just start using this as a journal instead, at least that way when I keel over, some of my writing would be somewhere accessible. But then again no, ’cause I die my domain dies with it and ipso facto, no more WordPress account … hmmm. They should do something about that, public archives or something….