Lately I hesitate whenever I go to write, to say I have reservations is an understatement. I have not written “regularly” in years. Something inside me is broken and I’m not sure how to fix it. I used to think I’d die if I didn’t write in my journal regularly and spewing on paper always made me feel so much better. I’ve noticed too that things seem more irritating than they used to. Now granted this could be because I’m old and jaded but honestly, I think it’s more lethargy. See unfortunately what happens when you get a mediocre but somewhat comfortable job is you slip into complacency and suddenly you’re nearly 55 years old and all your dreams seem to be passing you by.
My biggest dream, of course, was to write the grand novel. I even started a few times but I balked, hesitated and eventually it ended up thrown into a draw which I subsequently cleaned out. So my only reservation now is what the hell do I want to write about? For me, the actual “book” is not even a question of if at this point, but when. I just don’t know what exactly to do to get my creative juices flowing. I come here and haphazardly contribute to the daily posts. I sometimes write my own stream of consciousness type of thing but … I lack focus. So I guess I need to let go of all my hesitation, reservation and commiseration and recommit to my one true love, or at the very least attempt it. In order to do that, I’m going to have to find my confidence again which also seems to have eluded me as of late. I guess this is a great time to begin anew it being a new year and all that. So good luck to me and off I go!