Monthly Archives: January 2018

Rock and Roll


via Daily Prompt: Undulate

Oh how I wish I were sitting by an ocean at this particular minute. Alas, I’m broke and from the looks of things global warming is doing a helluva number on anywhere that used to be known as a place to go to retreat. Not sure if you’ll have two weeks of sun or a hurricane, tsunami, mudslide or hell, if you’re Florida, it might even freeze over. Is that like hell freezing over? Have we reached that point in this mortal coil that is the winding down of this world as we know it.

My theory is that this has all been done before, including all the technological advances, etc., etc. And there might be people or beings out there somewhere watching us, but they have no interest in coming here and “observing” us because they’ve just watched us repeat this pattern of crawling out of the ocean, standing upright, inventing survival tools and survival skills and then summarily destroying ourselves through our vices.

I don’t believe in god, I believe in a circle of life. I believe that if you try to be the best person you can be, you will hopefully get rewarded but I have become extremely skeptical about that as of late. Donald Trump as President, what the actual fork, knife and spoon is going on people?! Next it’ll be O.J., because who cares if you rape, pillage, plunder and kill, if you’re royalty – or in this day and age, some kind of media star. At least athletes are heralded for some type of actual sacrifice and accomplishment, albeit way to much above and beyond what they should be.

This is Our World – Steve Cutts

People are so busy being trapped in their PMDs that they scarcely look up from their screens anymore. I have taken to saying things out loud directly to people in public when they piss me off and do you know, most of the time they don’t even friggin’ notice! No, I’m not joking. I have started to tell people to get off their phones when they are walking and saying stuff like “don’t walk and text”. What has our world come too that people are so oblivious that they think it’s socially acceptable to walk into another person? WOW just wow.

I’m scared for our future, I honestly am and the older I get, the more I am confident that not having a child was one of the most selfless things I have ever done and although at times it hurt and I felt longing, I’m proud, so at least there’s that, that and if I close my eyes right now, I can hear, smell and see the ocean and the waves crashing on the shore and then slowly undulating out to sea.

The 365 Day Challenge – Getting Unstuffed


No, I don’t want to own only 33 items of clothing, no I don’t want to be able to fit everything I have in a knapsack, no I don’t want to get rid of my t.v. or cable. Having said that, I already don’t drive or have kids or own property, so I have a few huge minimalism things covered. My pets are dwindling and I’m getting very good at getting rid of stuff lately. Then there’s the age old adage – what do I really want? I want this, I want to sit down every day and write and sustain myself in that way.

I haven’t really thought about it for a few years, I’ve kept myself busy with the usual crap at home, work, attempts to go to the gym regularly, etc. but it always comes back to this and why aren’t I doing it on a regular basis and why am I so lame about taking care of myself? I start writing and then I just let it veer off into the ether, what is wrong with me?!

So I thought, perhaps if I put into play some of the practices to do with minimalism I would free up some space in my mind so that I could start to devote some time to this. (Although I have to say, the getting rid of cable thing is really starting to resonate with me as well, along with the t.v. in my living room … baby steps).

The other thing about embarking on something like this is I have to consider those around me. Okay granted I don’t live with anyone but I spend a great deal of time with someone and I wonder what they would think? Although, they don’t have a television so …

Then there’s the whole getting rid of debt thing. Sheesh, I can’t imagine. I’ve owed thirty or forty grand for as long as I can remember. I have started to chip away at things but I’ve been doing a haphazard job at best.

So I’ve decided today that I’m going to clear out my spare room as best I can and have the option of renting it. I can’t see myself staying at my job forever – and the threat of being fired or laid off has always loomed over me at this place. Plus it is a toxic, horrible place to work and so not where I want to be. I sit in an internal office all day with air pumped in and maladjusted, bitter, angry people all around me. I’ve just recently gone on anti-anxiety medication because between the situation with my neighbour and work I am totally stressed out.

So we’re back to the whole minimalism thing. I have no desire to backpack around the world and I like my creature comforts but honestly, what do I really need all this shit for? I was going through my closet today, pulling stuff off the hangers and throwing it in a bag and thinking, why do I feel compelled to keep buying this shit? So I thought if I wrote it for myself that as of January 10, 2018 I vow not to buy anything for a year unless it’s something I need (i.e. food, cleaning products, pet care stuff, replacement light bulbs, etc.) and challenged myself that would be a good thing and NO, it is not a fucking New Year’s resolution, it’s an about fucking time resolution.

Costa Rica, 70% Cacao, Orgasms and Sweat


via Daily Prompt: Treat

Anything that sends the endorphins rushing, a great song, amazing chocolate, an orgasm, hitting that plateau at the gym. But I think the biggest rush of all is when you have free time that is all your own. It’s January, it’s fucking cold as hell here in Toronto – today’s balmy at a minus eight degrees celcius (feels like minus eighteen), dropping to -17 for the high on Saturday. So my ultimate pleasure right now is the idea of a warm sunny beach by the ocean.

http://cdn-image.travelandleisure.com/sites/default/files/styles/1600×1000/public/1507843097/manuel-antonio-beach-costa-rica-CRFLIGHTDEAL1017.jpg?itok=fjgae50O

I used to go away every winter but life has been hard these past few years. I didn’t work for about a year and half, took the first job I could get and while the job itself isn’t that bad, the people suck balls hard. Plus I’m working in this room that was originally (I kid you not) supposed to be a safe room and storage place. When I first started working the air conditioning was out for like three months and I had this huge exhaust fan in front of my desk which was totally noisy but a nice distraction of white noise. When they took it away I had to listen to my putrid co-workers who never had anything nice to say about anything or anyone and certainly weren’t nice to me.

One of them has thankfully left now (retired) but the other piece of garbage lives on, making my life hell on a daily basis. Oh and did I mention our desks are about three feet apart and there’s absolutely no privacy whatsoever. I can’t even see a window from where I sit. It’s friggin’ inhumane. And they say we have all these human rights, blah, blah – how about a right to real air and sunshine? Nope, guess not.

I could really use a vacation – and a new job. I always thought I’d become a famous writer, and here I am stuck in a putrid law firm, cranking out documents for other people. Funny how life turns out.

SmashingHeadOnKeyboard

Draws a breath…


via Daily Prompt: Reservation

Adventure!

Lately I hesitate whenever I go to write, to say I have reservations is an understatement. I have not written “regularly” in years. Something inside me is broken and I’m not sure how to fix it. I used to think I’d die if I didn’t write in my journal regularly and spewing on paper always made me feel so much better. I’ve noticed too that things seem more irritating than they used to. Now granted this could be because I’m old and jaded but honestly, I think it’s more lethargy. See unfortunately what happens when you get a mediocre but somewhat comfortable job is you slip into complacency and suddenly you’re nearly 55 years old and all your dreams seem to be passing you by.

My biggest dream, of course, was to write the grand novel. I even started a few times but I balked, hesitated and eventually it ended up thrown into a draw which I subsequently cleaned out. So my only reservation now is what the hell do I want to write about? For me, the actual “book” is not even a question of if at this point, but when. I just don’t know what exactly to do to get my creative juices flowing. I come here and haphazardly contribute to the daily posts. I sometimes write my own stream of consciousness type of thing but … I lack focus. So I guess I need to let go of all my hesitation, reservation and commiseration and recommit to my one true love, or at the very least attempt it. In order to do that, I’m going to have to find my confidence again which also seems to have eluded me as of late. I guess this is a great time to begin anew it being a new year and all that. So good luck to me and off I go!