Yes of course I love you, what was your name again?


50-first-dates.jpg

My life is like a slightly more memory conscious version of 50 First Dates. I don’t need to break out the USB every morning to remember by family but close enough. I have recollections of some things but in no particular order and in no time context whatsoever. We could have been friends for 25 years of three weeks, it would feel the same to me. By the same token, I have forgotten people’s names after knowing them for years, forgotten really important life events and dates and much to the chagrin of most of my boyfriends, forgotten nearly all of those pinnacle points in my relationships.  It’s like this hazy, pot smoked, alcohol filled memory that sort of looms up from time to time (except there was no pot or booze at the time but that’s just how it seems in my head) and it doesn’t seem to pick any particular set time to do it or not either. I will have stark moments of clarity and recollection with people where I will remember the happenstance clear as day. The only thing I seem to be fairly good at with any amount of consistency seems to do with music and, I suspect, that has something to do with how I feel about music in general – you know, it drives me, I couldn’t live without it. Honestly, I wouldn’t want to be in a world without music, can you imagine?!

When I Hear Music

Also, the Alzheimer’s Society must agree because they have a program in coordination with 91.1 Jazz FM wherein through donor contributions (I believe) they provide iPods for old folks loaded up with all their fav tunes and they’ve found this has had amazing results. Not surprising really, music soothes the savage beast and all that.

Let the Music Play

(Also those two tracks ought to tell you a teensy-weensy little bit about me, although my music repertoire is vast lemme tell ya.) K, so this is my Soundhound list for recent stuff: Holding On – Gregory Porter, Heaven – Majical Cloudz, Ho Hey – Lumineers, Leben – I Feel You – Schiller, The Passion of Lovers – The Shroud, Dream of You – Shiller, This Corrosion – The Sisters of Mercy, You Got No Right – Velvet Revolver – most of those were awesome tracks I caught bits of on t.v. shows and wanted to hear the whole thing. Some are old standards and that’s seriously just a fleck of dust in the hour glass that is my love of music. Maybe that’s what I should do – just write a book filled with all the songs, entire albums and their songs, and random one hit wonders that have shaped my life.

I’d blather on about all the kinds of music and genres I like but it’d probably be easier to narrow it down to what I don’t like – ga head ax me if you like, otherwise I’ll just leave it at that. One of the things that’s kind of cool about my altered chaotic head is about 50% of the time or more I have a soundtrack playing in the background and it’s amazing how many different songs will flit through my head at any given time and thanks to YouTube and the like, I’ve pretty much got it all at my fingertips. Here’s one that will make your hair stand on end, it’s sooooooo magnificent!

Black Diamond – Yoshiki & The American Symphony Orchestra

So basically, I’m in a perpetual Alzheimer-esk state with bouts of lucidity and a slightly better temperament because I’ve been dealing with it so long. Also, I have some mad skills that just sort of come automatically, but by the same token you can see my several kinds of special say in my journals where sometimes a word will be crossed out three and four times. Okay, yes, sometimes it will be because I misspelled it but most of the time it’ll be because I just couldn’t seem to get my hand to incorporate that missing letter, or I just spazed out and it looks suddenly so bad, it’s illegible. Good times. Still, I really like writing long-hand and it’s a place where I can write sheer drivel and not worry about offending anyone (well, myself later on, s’why I don’t read them over anymore as I’ve said before).

So, if I forget your name, forget who you are, forget our anniversary, forget I took your virginity or any number of poignant life-altering events – just forget it, ‘cause I already have (not on purpose of course). Just remember, being with Danielle involves a lot of forgiving and forgetting, but it’s a lot easier if you do it in reverse like I do.

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